


Akkochan and the Cummunist Party

by EvilRoda



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Historical RPF, Little Witch Academia, Real Person Fiction
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-29
Updated: 2017-11-18
Packaged: 2018-12-25 04:04:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 6,363
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12027726
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EvilRoda/pseuds/EvilRoda
Summary: A specter is haunting Europe... Follow Atsuko Kagari, Karl Marx, and friends as they spread cummunism to Luna Nova!Note, all events in this story are fictional and should not be misconstrued as making factual statements on real life events.





	1. Chapter One - An Incredulous Beginning

“YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!” Akkochan screamed on her wathere down from the tower, broom in hand. Suddenly, she was sucked out of the sky by a magical spell, making her floart down gently. She looked at the ground incredulously, then at her savior.

“Who are you?” she said, incredulously. “I’m Karl Marx,” said the young man, incredulously. “I’m from the wizarding school next door, Hogwarts. And you are?” Akko puffed her chest out proudly, but incredulously. “I’m Atsuko Kagari, but you can call me Akko!”

“I see. Well, Akko, what were you even doing up there?” Akko was incredulous and embarassed. “I’m sorry to say, I can’t even fly my broom properly...”

“Have you tried shoving it up your ass? It works better if you do that.” Akko was incredulous. “Holy shit, I never thought about!” she said before incredulously shoving her broom up her bunghole, the brush sticking out like a tail. Suddenly, she started floating in midair. “It worked! Thanks, Karl Marx!”

“No problem!” said Karl. “By the way, I’m a cummunist.” Akko floated back down to the ground. “A cummunist? Wassat?”

“You see, Akko, a cummunist believes the means of stimulation should belong to the workers. To each according to their need for cummies, from each according to their ability to produce cummies! Cummies are a basic human right, you know.”

“Oh wow! That’s neato!” said Akko. “You think so?” replied Marx, incredulously. “I’m glad. You see, the actual reason I was here at Lunar Nova was to start a chapter of our Cummunist Party at your school! How would you like to be a founding member of the Luna Nova Cummunist Party?”

“Boy would I!” Akko explasmed incredulously. “How do I get started?” Karl Marks threw a book at her. “OW! What the FUCK, bro?!”

“It’s our Cummunist Manifesto, that’s what the fuck. It also has various works by our fellow cummunists, such as Vladimir Lenin and Leon Trotsky. Read it front to back! I also have this crate full of pamphlets and posters to distribute." He incredulously shoved a box towarr Akko. "Use them well, cumrade!" Then he shoved his broomstick up his ass incredulously and flew off into the night. "Fare thee well, Akkochan!" he said incredulously, flying off into the afternoon sky.

"Okay, then, let's get started!" said Akkochan, before running into the main building excitedly and incredulously.


	2. Preparation C

Akko ran through the halls, throwing pamphlets at people. "Cum to our meeting! All are welcome, except capitalist pig-dogs! Huh, actually, pig-dogs sound adorable, so they're welcome too!" Suddenly, that strict teacher I can't remember the nameof zppeared!

"MISS KATAGORI!" she claimed happily. "What the fuck are you doing even?!"

"Hello, professor! Would you like to come to the first meeting of the Luna Nova Cummunist Party?"

"Cummunist Party?" She took a pamphlet. "OMG! So immoral! This club must be forbidden! Come with me!" She grabbed Akko by the army and dragged her to the headmaster.

"HEADMISTRESS WE NEED TO BAN SOMETHING AGAIN!" screeched the professor, kicking down the door to her own office. "What is it, professor? Is there a new trading card game running amok in our halls once again?"

"Worse!" The professor slammed down a pamphlet on the headmistress's desk. The headmistress looked at the pamphlet and gasped. "Who DARES sully our halls of learning with such garbage?" The professor stepped aside and gestures toward Akko. "Miss Kagari, we will not accept this foolhardy moral corruption in our school! Curse that gay-ass Dumbledore, he should have expelled Karl Marx on day one!"

"But headmistress, what's so wrong about cummunism? Karl's ideas seem really good, and he was super nice! You haven't even given him a chance!"

"Foolish child! Go back to your dorm and never ever speak of this again! There will be no Cummunist Party at Luna Novas!" Akko cried tears of tears and ran back to her dorm.

"And that's what happened!" said Akko to Sucy and Lotte. "I can't believe them! How could they?"

"So they didn't even tell you why they were banning it? That's strange," said Lotte. 

"Yes, it is strange. Maybe there's dark secrets that this philosophy would reveal!" said Susie, smiling evilly.

"I'm not sure. I need toask Karl about this! But I don't have his contact info."

"Akko, look!" ejaculated Lotte, spewing semen everywhere. She pointed to the front page of Akko's Cummunist Manifesto. Written there was a phone number and the words, "Call me sometime. ;3"

"Yes! Now I can call him!" Akko pulled out her phonr and dialed the number. "Hello? Karl?"

"Yes? Is this Akko? How are you?" said the voice on the other end. "Is everything going well with the meeting?"

"Karl, it's awful! The headmistress has banned cummunism! I don't understand, why do they hate cummunism so much?"

"Of course, Akk0. the upper class always lives in fear of change, but especially the change broughtabout by cummunism. It challenges their authority, and that scares them. Akko, haven't you noticed that your teachers are always quick to stamp out any sort of rebellious activity even if it's not actually rebellious? This reaction is typical of their ilk."

"Huh, I necer thought about that. But what do we do now? They vanned cummunism!"

"Akko, it is quite simple. Hold the neetibg anywau. We'll show up as planned. Continue handing out the pamphlets in secret. And remmber Akko, cummunism is inevitable!"

"Thanks,Karl Marx!" said Akko, now on fire because of theglories of cummunism. "Lotte, Sucy, will you help me make the preparations?"

"Of course!" said LOtte. "Enh, not like I have anything else to do,"said Sucy ecstatically.

"Great! But wait a ..." Akko said, looking at the pamphlet. "It says here we're minute to meet in the conference room. We need to have a professor sponsor it to hold it in there, otherwise la?" said Lotte. "Maybe she'd be sympatheticto our cause."the door won't even open!"

"What about Professor Ursula? Maybe she'll be sympathetic to our cause."

"You're right!" shrieked Akko. "Ursula's really cool. Let's go ask!"

Akko slammed open the door to Ursuula's tower. "Ursula! We need your help!"

"Ah!" said Ursula, who may actually be Chariot, waking up from a lovely nap. "Oh,it' s you, Akko. What's up?"

"Ursula, I met this boy! His name was Karl Marx, and he told me all about this thing called cummunism! Here's a pamphlet!" She handed Ursula a pamphlet. "But we need a teacher to sponsor our meeting so we can hold it in the conference room! Will you do it?"

Ursula looked up from the pamphlet. "Of course, Akko. We're right up on the deadline, but this date two days from now should definitely still be available."

"Great! Now I can become a revolutionary girl, just like Shiny Chariot! Come on girls, let's get started!" said Akko, dragging Lotte and Sucy out of the room.

"Uhm, actually, Chariot was more of a liberal..." said Ursula timidly as Akko and friendsdisappeared down the stairs.


	3. Betrayal

"Welcome everyone to the first ever meeting of the Luna Nova Cummunist Party!" said Akko. "I'd like to introduce you all to the founder of cummunism and the leader of the Hogwarts Cummunist Party, Karl Marx!" Karl walked onto the stage and took the mic. "Thank you, Akko. Comrades of Luna Nova, we are haunted by the traditions of the past. Industry and technology have passed magic by. Yet, byusing the power of cummunism,we can give orgasms to everyone. No onehas to be lonely. You see-"

Suddenly, the door flew open. "What is the meaning of this!" screeched the headmistress. Behind her was the faculty, including Ursula, looking ashamed. "Karl Marx, you are hereby placed under arrest." Karl was surrounded by faculty and cuffed.

"Karl, no! Where are you taking him?! Ursula, help me! You've got to talk somesense into them!

"Akko, there's nothing I can do. I..." Ursula paused. "I'm the reason they found out. I'm sorry."

"Ursula, how could you???????" Akko explained. "I trusted you!"

"Akko, I'm sorry..."

"Typical!" Karl exclammed ashe was being drugged away. "A typical reaction of the milquetoast liberal! Akko, Listen to me! Trust no one in the ruling class!Don't trust them!"

"Karl! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Akko screamed.

"I can't believe they took Karl prisoner!" said Lotte.

"I know! But what will we do now?" said Akko, laying back on thebed. Suddenly, there was a knock at the door. "I'll get it," said Sucy, moving to open thhe door. She opened it, and suddenly, there was Amanda.

"I saw what happened at the meeting. Listen, Akko, I'm on dungeon duty the rest of the week. I can help you get in to see Karl. Nobody should be apart from the one they love."

"Karl's not my boyfriend!" said Akko. "But thanks."

"It's nothing.In fact, I'm about to go on shift, youwanna see him right now?"

"Yes, please! You guys wanna come, too?"

"HOld it!" Amanda said, pointing. One at a time! It'll be suspicious if more than one go."

"Okay," said Akko furiouslybefore following Amanda down tothe dungeon.

Amanda shoved the heavy dungin door open and the musty smell of mildew with a hint of corpse hit her and Akko like a soft bullet to the foot. "When did we get a dungeon?" asked Akko.

"It was built with the school.We haven't had prisoners in a hundred years, though. That's one good thing about Karl getting arrested, I finally have some company," Amanda said as they walked past the cells. Some of them had skeletons abd Akkowas crreped out. Suddenly as they walked past one, a half-rotten glowing corpse with one eye slammed up against the bars and screeched.

"SKREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! HELLO YES I AM GHOST! NICE TO MEET YOU!"

"KYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" Screamed ASkko, screaming. "What the HELL is THAT?!"

"Oh, that's just Violet. She was the last prisoner here before Karl. She was imprisoned a hundred years ago."

"I thought you said you didn't have company down here?"

"I don't. Watch." Amanda bent down. "Hey, Violet, how are you liking your cell? Is it comfy?"

"HIS many tendrils extend outward,  
They touch all,  
All that lives,  
All that dies.  
I live through HIM;  
I die with HIM.  
The path of misery  
Is the pain of living."

Amanda got up. "See? Cryptic free verse poetry is not good conversation!" They moved to the next cell over, and sitting in the corner was Karl Marx,scribbling in a notebook. He looked up.

"Akko! It'sgood to see you!" Hegot up and moved up to the bars.

"I'll leave you two alone,"saidAmanda before she walked off.

"Karl, I'm sorry. It's my fault you were arrested."

"Akko, it's not your fault. You didn't know that you would be betrayed. The history of liberal betrayal goes back millenia. You see, Akko, liberals are usually part of the middle class, and sometimes part of the upper class, but never part of the working class. As such, their interests lie in maintaining the status quo. They are worse than conservatives. At least with conservatives, we know we are enemies. Liberals say they sympathise with revolutionary causes, but in reality,sympathies only go so far. That is why we were betrayed, Akko."

"Wow. I never thought about it like that. Still, if there's anything I can dofor you..."

"Actually, there is something you can do for me. Take this letter and give it to my associate, Fried Rich Angles. Tell him what's going on, he'll know what to do."

"You mean go to Hogwarts?" said Akko. She curled up into a ball and cired, then said, "You bet your ass I'll do it!" she said,overjoyed and excited to do it. 

"I take it visiting hours are over, then?" said Amanda as Akko closed the dungeon behind her.

"Yeah. Wish me luck!"

"What for?"

"I'm off to Hogwarts!"


	4. Friendships

Akkochan floated down gently in front of Hogwarts Castle. "Wow! This place is HUGE!" she exclaimed, pulling her broom out of her ass.

"Hey!" Suddenly, a voice/1 A man with a really nice moustache and another man with a wicked (lol) goatee approached her. "Who are you?" he said.

"I'm Atsuko Kagari! I've come with a message from Karl Marx!" she said sadly.

"My name is Leon Trotsky" said the man with the foatee, "And this is Josef Stalin," said Trotsky, gesturing to Stalin.

"Do you guys know a guy named Engels? I have a message for him from Karl Marx!"

"Engels! Where is Engels, Stalin?" said Trotsky. Stalin shrugged. "Well, I guess we'll have to find him, then. Come with us," Akko. Akko followed them into the castle.

"Wow! this placeis HUGE" said Akko, marvelling at the castle. Red banners were hung everyehre. As they walked through the halls, they came upon a huge set of doors. Trotsky opened them and sitting at the other end of the Great Hall was Engels, discussing something with the house elves.

"Engels!"shouted Trotsky. Engels tunred his head towards them. "This is Akko, She's a studentof Luna NOva andshe's brought a message from Karl Marx."

"Hello, Akko. Nice to meet you. Where is this message?" Akko hands him the message, and heopens it. "My word! Cumrades, Marx has been taken prisoner at Luna Nova! We must assemble the Cumintern. Akko, thank you for delivering this message. You're welcome to join us, in fact, I insist you do. You may be instrumental in our plans!" Engels looked to the house elves. "Sorry to cut our meeting short, Dobby."

Engels banged a gavel. "Welcome to the special session of the Cumintern. Ill let our interim leader, cumrade Vladimir Lenin, explain why we called this meeting." Everyyyyone in the room started murmuring. Engels sat down next to Stalin, who was next to Trotsky, who was next to Akko.

"Why is everybody murmuring?" inquisitioned Akko to Trotsky.

"Lenin is Marx's second in command. They know something's up just by virtue of the fact Lenin is the one addressing them."

"Cumrades!" Lenin shouted, silencing the murmurs. "I have some bad news. Karl Marx has been arrested, and is being held prisoner at Luna Nova." The crows went crazy, shouts of outrage being thrown like washing machines. Lenin put his hand up. "Please everyone calm down!" he said. The crowd went silent.

"He has informed us that he is fine, and he has sent us some instructions on how to proceed. Firstly, he has asked that we hold off on a rescue operation for now, and that we attempt to come to a peaceful solution if we can. He's also stated that should we be unable to come to a peaceful resolution, we will bring down the full force of the Cummunist Party upon Luna Nova! Make no mistake, we will not back down on this!" The crowd cheered. Lenin held up his hand, and the crowd went silent. He then moved his hand to gedture towards Akko.

"We also have a powerful ally in our friend, Akko Kagari. She is a student of Luna Nova, and can help relay messages from Marx." The crowd looked at Akko and cheered again.

"Now that we've been brought up to speed on the situation, now is as good a time as any to announce the leadership positions that we've filled. Karl Marx is premier, of course. I am assistant to the premier, and, for right now, emergency interim premier. Leon Trotsky is minister of defense. Engels is General Secretary, and Stalin is assistant to the General Secretary. Further positions are still being considered, and we encourage you all to apply. This meeting is adjourned." With that, Lenin banged his gavel and the crowd dispersed. Thankfully, Trotsky and Akko got up last.

"I'm glad you came, Akko. We appreciate your help."

"No problem! I just hope Karl's okay..."

"Karl will be completely fine. They know that it will be all out war if they lay a finger on him."

"You'd really give that kind of response?"

"Of course. You can't back down from these threats, Akko. It has to be mutually assured destruction, like the Warsaw Pact cersus NATO in the posrwar era. It's the only way to keep the peace with such aggressive barbarians."

"Wow. I never thought of it like that."

"Come on, we'll escort you home."

"Thanks, Trotsky."

Trotsky and Akko touched down. "Thanks again for escorting me back, Trotsky!" elaborated Akko.

"No problem! Take care!" And with that, he took off back to Hogawarts.

Akko skipped into the school happily, when suddenly she was grabbed from behind. "This is out of the ordimmmmmmph!" she screeched as a hand covered her mouth. She was dragged to the conference room and unceremoniously dropped in a chair.

"Now we can begin!" The headmistress banged her gavel.

"Uwaaaaaaaah!" said Akko, tied up. "SHHHH!" hissed a voice beside her. It was Diana!

"Faculty of Luna Nova, I hereby commence this meeting! Today's business: dealing with the cummunist threat!" said the headmistress, overflowing with anticummunist sediments. "First, I am pleased to say that we currently in posession of Karl Marx, the founder of Cummunism! We also have a powerful tool in Atsuko Kagari, who has befriended us and will become our mole." She raisedher wand, and as she pointed it at Akko, she she shouted, "Consumite... ENCEPHOLAROUS!" Akko was hit with a blinding light, and went dizzy. Her conscious mind faded.

Akko came to a moment later. "Eh?"

"Headmistress, are you sure such drastic measures are really necessary? That spell is forbidden by our own laws!"

"That is the price to curb the spread of cummunism! Diana, knock her out and take her to her room."

"Yes, Headmistress." There was another sharp pain, and Akko blacked out again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NOTE: This and the first chapter are the only previously posted chapters I know the original post date for because Fanfiction.net doesn't show the individual post dates for each chapter. Eat my ass, FFNet. >:(


	5. A Wild Threat Appears!

Akko woke up to see the faces of Lotte and Sucy. "Uwah?" she said, rising in her bed. "OW!" she exploeded, hitting her head on the bunk above her.

"What happened?" explained Lotte. "Diana said you passed out."

"Oooooh, taht Diana! She knocked me out! Passed out my magical ass!" Lotte gasped.

"Why would Diana do such a thing?" Sucy asked. "Ican think of a few things," replied Sucy, "but it's still not in character for Diana to do such a thing."

"Well, she took me to this meeting with some of the factory. The headmistress cast this spell on me. What was it called? Consu... Consumitor... Oh! Consumite encepholarous!" Sucy and Lotte gasped/

"That spell is forbidden! And for good reason!" said Lotte. "I... Oh, Akko, why! What an awful spell!"

"Wait a second, Lotte!" said Sucy. If consumite encepholarous was cast on her, she would be screaming in agony as her mind was slowly corroded away and replaced by the puppet mind."

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEH?!?!?!?!" Akko shrekked.

"Soyou think she'll be okay, Sucy?"

"Well, it's not like she had a mind to consume to begin with..."

"Hey!" objectioned Akko.

"But why would the headmistress do such a thing?"

"Well, she did say that it was necessary to combat the cummunist threat..."

Lotte's eyes turned into dinner plates. "That's awful! Also. AAAAAAAAAAAH MY EYES I'M BLIND AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

"Lotte's right. What levels will they stoop down to in order to defeat us?" said Sucy. consterbatedly.

"Headmistress, are you sure this is necessary?" said Anna.

"Professor, you and I both know casting consumite encepholarous on Akko will only give us a temporary advantage. by joining with this orgabnization, we will always have an advantage over them. They walked down the staira to the place they would receive their visitor.

"Headmistress, I'm afraid I must make my objections known. The man's organization is so slimy. They've demonstrated their greed and insanity time and time again. Quite frankly, I hate the idea of working with... with... with that rat-faced bastard!"

"To tell you the truth, Anna, I don't like it either. But we do what we must." They stopped at the bottom of the stairs in front of the entrance. The headmistress turned to the professor, her most trusted advisor. "Listen, Anna, I think that, if we play our cards right, we can keep them under control."

"I'm not sure I agree, Headmistress, but I trust your judgement."

"Anna, you would follow me into Hell, but you'd be bitching about it all the way," said the Headmistress with a smile.

"Ain't that tht truth," said Anna. They began to laugh, but that infitesmal phantasm of mirth was soon dashed by the sudden slamming open of the front doors.

He stood there in the rain, bone dry. The suddenly pouring rain seemed to bend around him, not wanting to even make contact with the vile being that stood under it. The witches turned to face him. He smiled at them and smugly stepped through the door, and the door shut behind him.

"Hello, ladies. I'm Executive Vice President of the National Rifle Association, Wayne LaPierre." Lightning struck behind him.

"Hello, Mr. LaPierre. I'm the headmistress of Luna Nova. I assume you know why you're here?"

"Yes, yes, of course. I've heard of your little cummunism problem. Don't worry, we'll take care of the problem."

"Why don't you join us in my office? We'll discuss this over some tea."

"Sounds good."


	6. The Morning After

Anna stepped into the Headmistress's office carrying aplate of tea andcookies with four empty cups. She laid the tray down gently on the headmistress's desk, and poured tea into three of the cups. Anna wondered why LaPierre asked for a second cup as she moved to pur tea into the fourth.

"No, no, Anna, the fourth cup needs to be empty, or we'll have a second mess on our hands." Anna backed off the cup. LaPierre took the empy cup and one of the full cups. Positioning the empty cup in front of his chest,he tipped the full cup. A stream of water went into the empty cup, steaming all the way, while a slightly viscous slime of concentrated tea went down his mouth. He slowly tipped the cup up, and a last trickle of water and slime went their respective ways.

"Prefer coffee," he said, setting both cups down. "A lot more bitter, and a lot easier to drink."

Anna and the headmistress were too shcoked and disgusted to ask any questions about it.

"So Anna, I was just telling the headmistress here about how we orchestrated Sandy Hook." Anna's face contorted into a deeper state of shocked disgust.

"You what now?"

"Oh yes, it's quite a story. Made loads of money off it. Even convinced some people it never happened!" he said, beginning to chortle. "I mean, Columbine got us so much money when Clinton was in office, and Obamaphobia was at a high, the move was obvious! Ha!" The headmistress, just as disgusted as Anna, moved to get a cup of tea.

"Mr. LaPierre," she said, "I'm very interested in how you're going to clean up our mess."

"First things first! Your students held a metting, correct?" The headmistreesnodded. "I need the names of everyone who attendedthat meeting. Get dossiers on each one of them. Dossiers on the cummunists at Hogwarts would be a great help as well."

"Way ahead of you," statement the headmistressas she brought out a huge pile of files. " Luna Nova students are at the top, Hogwarts at the bottom."

"Excellent." Lapierre grabbed the one on top and opened the thick folder. On the front page was the name Atsuko Kagari.

Akko woke up the following morning. "Yaaaaaah!" she said. Sucy looked up from her book, still in her nightgown. Lotte peered at her from th top bunk.

"You feeling okay, Akko?" said Lotte. "Still yourself?"

"Yeah, I think so..."

"Akoo, what's the primary ingredient in deterioration potions?" asked Sucy.

"How the Hell am I supposed to know that" exploded Akko indignantly.

"Yep, same Akko." Sucy went back to her book.

"Eeeeeeeeh..." said Akko with healthy venom.

"Akko, it seems as if the spell the heasmistress cast on you had no effect. I'm glad, yet bewildered."

"I don'tknow either, Lotte." Akko curled up abit. "I don't know why the headmistress would do such an awful thing, either. Is cummunism really that bad?"

Sucy sighed. "Akko, remember what Marx said?"

Akko frowned. "Karl said a lot of things. I don't know if I can beliebe them anymore."

"He said that people in power will always want to keep that power. Thus, we can assume that the headmistress cast thatspell on you not to fight an immoral ideology, butto keep their hold on power."

"Wow, Sucy," said Lotte, "I had no idea you ere such a dedicated cummunist!"

"Enh, not really. It does make alot of snes from a historionic perspecive, though."

Akko sat up. "Sucy,you're right. I'm gonna go down to the dungeon and see Karlright now! I think Amanda's working today." Before anybody could say anything.

"Amanda! I am so glad you're working today!" charged Akko at the dungeon door."

"Yup. Here to see Karl?" she said, opening the dungeon door.

"Yes! Thank you so much!" said Akko, frolicking through the door, Amanda shuttin g it behind her. Suddenly, as she was frolickking, she was interrupted by a ghost!

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEYAAAAAAAAAH!" screeched the ghost as she slammed against the bars of hercell.

"UWAAAAAAAH!" screamed Akko, backing up away from the cell.

"And now the stage is set  
For HIS grand return;  
The greatest villain  
Is he who betrays,  
But traitors shall live  
In both houses;  
The greatest betrayal  
Is by your brother's hand;  
Those who claim to fight for freedom  
Are often its greatest enemies."

Akko slowly slinked away from the cell, arriving at Karl's. Karl was scribbling in his notebook, as always.

"Karl!" saidv Akko, "I'm so glad to see you! Things have been crazy up there!"

"I know," said Karl. "That ghost in the cell next to me? I think she's profitable."

"Prophetic? You mean..."

"Yes. She can interpret current and future events. Whenever Amanda would bring me food, she'd spout something off like that. Amanda said she used to be a lot more incomprehensible. And last night, shekept chanting, "Consuming mind! Consuming mind! It's not very effective!" I have no idea what she was on about, but she usually only says something when somebody passes by."

"Consuming mind? Consuming..." Akko gaspeded. "Consumite encepholarous!"

"What?" Karl said, slightly aroused.

Consumite encepholarous! It's the spell the headmistress cast on me last night!"

"What do you mean?"

"Yeah, they knocked me out, tookme to this meeting, and the headmistress cast it on me!"

"Then that means, when it hurt, it's because it oerked..."

"Eh?"

"Nothing, nothing! Listen, I need you to go back to Hogwarts. Take Lenin this letter. If they're willing to go that far, there's no telling what else they'll do! Give this letter to Lenin, he'll know what to do."

Akko took the letter. "Okay, Marx. Listen, when you get out..."

"Don't worry about me, Akko. Just get that letter over there!"

"Right! You can count on me!" Akko ran out of the dungeon,past Amanda, and all the way to the courtyard.

"Right then!" she said, pulling her broom out of her ass. "Let's go!" She was about to shove the broom up her ass, when announcement came up. "Attention all students! Please report to the assembly hall now."

"Eh?" said Akko. "Should I go...?" She looked at the ground for a second, then snapped her head up. "No! Lotte and Sucy can fill me in later!" She then shoved herbroom in to the hilt and flew off.

"Cumrades! Cumrades!"

"What is it, Engels?" said Trotsky. Stalin sat across from him.

"It's Lenin! He's been poisoned!"

Stalin immediately asked, "Is he still alive?"

"Yes,but he's critical! We don't know if he'll make it."

"Assemble the Cumintern! We'll meet in two hours!"

"Mr. LaPierre," said the headmistress, walking along the upper level of the cafeteria, "are you sure this is thebest way to deal with this?"

"Headmistress, you don't understand!" he said, talking over the low roar of Luna Nova's schoolgirls. "Making them work is the only way they'll appreciate their freedoms. That's why we gave every girl a job fundraising for us."

Down below, rows of booths with computers were constructed, each with a computer. Every girl below was chainedto her chair, and was talking into their headset. Men in suits with cattle prods walked the aisles. Lapierre stopped and looked over the railing.

"Now we don't have to pay that stupid telemarketing company..."

"What's that?" said the headmistress.

"Oh, I was just thinking out loud how this will teach these cummunists the value of work ethic. Isn't that right, ladies?"

"I just wanted the free refreshmAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" said one girl, before being poked by the cattle prod.

"No talking outside a call! Save your voice for your calls!" shouted LaPierre. "We've got a lot of money to make to fight for freedom!"

The headmistress looked on uncomfortably. "It's for the best, it's for the best..." she said under her breath.


	7. Power

Akko touched downin front of Hogwarts Castle once again. "Whew, made it! Now to deliver this letter!" And with that she ran in to find nobody.

"Eh? Where'd everybody go?" she said. She checked in a few rooms before hearing some arguing down a hallway. She opened the door to the meeting hall and saw the whole communist party arguing with each other. A second later, they all turned to look at her. Trotsky and Stalin were at the podium across from the door.

"Akko! It's good to see you. Come on, sit down and join us," said Trotsky.

Akko moved up to the podium. "This is from Marx," she said, handing the letter to Trotstky. He took it, and she went to sit down. Trotsky opened the letter.

"Well? What does it say?" said Stalin.

"It says that we need to mobilise." The crowd gasped and began to murmur.

"Apparently, the situation has changed. The faculty has attempted to use Akko by casting... CONSUMITE ENCEPHOLAROUS?!" The crowd erupted in outrage.

"Please, please! Everybody calm down!" shouted Trotsky. The crowd began to settle.

"The letter goes on to detail a plan of action. As defense minister, I shall implement the plan as soon as possible."

"Hold it!" Stalin said, "How can we trust Akko?"

"What do you mean?" said Trotsky.

"She had consumite encepholarous cast oner, correct? If that is the case,how do we know she's not being controlled?"

"Marx explained that in the letter. He put a protection spell on her beforehand."

"But how can we be sure that Marx wrote it? Even supposing he did, how do we know he wasn't under the same spell?"

"Why the Hell would somebody controlling them mention even the possibility that they were being controlled?"

"To sew discord, of course! And by the looks of it, it's working! And besides,what protection spell can protect from that? This isn't Harry Potter, you know."

The crowd began to murmur. "Order! Order!" Trotsky shouted, banging the gavel. "Listen, this is ridiculous. We have proof that consumite encepholarous can be blocked by certain protection spells, so long as they are cast beforehand. There are dozens of examples throughout history. We can't bicker about this! As defense minister, I hereby declare that we will begin mobilisation prep tonight, and be combat ready by the day after tomorrow."

Suddenly, Lotte and Sucy burst through the doors. "Eh? Lotte, Sucy, what are you doing here?" queried Akko.

"Akko, it's horrible! The favulty broughy on somebody to help them, and he's forced the students to do fundraising for them!"

"Wati," said Trotstky, "who? Who did they bring in?"

"His name is Wayne LaPierre, and he's with the National Rifle Association," said Sucy. The crowd went crazy.

"Order! Order!" said Trotsky, shakedly banging his gavel. "We mobilise as planned. In the meantime, I will work on revising our strategy accordingly."

"Not good enough!" shouted somebody in the back. "The NRA must be stopped!"

"Dammit, Longbottom, for the last time, phoning the NRA and calling them gun sluts doesn't do anything productive!" shouted Trotsky.

"Fuck you, Trotsky! I'm sick of the NRA blocking my university's gun research!"

"Neville, whatthe Hell are you-"

"Fuck the NRA!" he screeched, running out of the room.

"Who was that guy?" asjed Lotte.

"NObody, don"r worry about it. Anyway, thanks for informing us of yhe NRA's involvement."

"No problem," said Lotte. "I just don't know what we're going to do now. We certainly can't go back to Lubna Nova."

"You can stay here. Engels will find you a room. You, too, Akko. It's way too dangerous for you to return to LUna Nova. Now, does anybody have any further business before we adhourn? No? Okay, tgen, I hereby declare this meeting of the Cumintern closed!" Trotsky banged his gavel, and everybody began to file out.

Amanda stood in front of the door to the dungeon. Wayne LaPierre rounded the corner. "Amanda ],Neill, I presume? I've read about you."

"What the Hell do you want, LaPierre?"

"Now, now, you and I both know you helped a couple of cummunist agents leave the school." Amanda went pale. "Don't worry, you're notin trouble. I just want to know where they went."

"I... I don't know what you're talking about."

"Yes, you do. Where are Costanze and the fat one?"

"Oh! Them?" she said, relived that he wasn't askingabout Lotte and Sucy. "I don't know where they are. I spend most of my time on dungeon duty."

"Bullshit, Amanda." Lapierre grapped her by the throat and pushed her against the door, still calm. "Amanda, do you know why I took over the NRA?"

"Because... you're a coward with no balls to speak of?"

LaPierre slammed her against the door, his face remaining still.

"Amanda, it's because of power. Did you know there was a time when I hated guns?" Amanda tried to kick out Lapierre's legs, to no avail.

"You should pay better attention, Amanda. That's the whole reason I'm holding you like this, so you can focus and understand where I'm coming from. I don't normally tell people this." Amanda squirmed, and Lapierre slammed her again.

"I don't hurt you because I'm angry, Amanda. I hurt you because you need to stop struggling. Just let me speak." Amanda stopped trying to get away, but shifted her stance.

"Anyway. Gun hating. I used to hate guns, Amanda. I saw a thief gun down my parents. He did it right in front of me. He laughed when I cried. Suddenly, a bullet went through his throat, Amanda. The police shot him. I learned later on the bullet severed an artery. Through the tears, I started laughing. That was my first real taste of power. It was a wonderful feeling. He saw me laughing, Amanda. I don't know why I laughed. But he saw me. I saw the look on his face. He was already scared because he was bleeding out, but when he saw me laugh, that look of horror was exquisite. I caused that. I made him suffer more."

He adjusted his glasses and continued.

"After that, I hated guns. Wanted rid of them. All of them. But I never forgot that feeling of power. Then, one day, I was thinking about it, and I realized something. My laugh was only the icing on the cake. The real power came from that cop's gun. His gun stopped the thief. The thief's gun gave him the power to take my parents away from me. I realized I could wield that power, too. I could make others fear me." Lapierre reached into his suit jacket with his free hand and pointed it at Amanda.

"The ability to make you fear me, Amanda. An ability I will always cherish."

He put the gun away, not breaking eye contact with Amanda.

"After that, I used my charm to become the head of the NRA."

"The fuck? You're executive vice president, not head!" said Amanda.

"Fun fact about power, Amanda, it doesn't matter who has what title, it matters who makes what decisions. I make the decisions. As head of the NRA, I have made it very profitable. That is another avenue of power. Economics. I make money, which allows me to have control over resources. People. Bullets. Factories. Weapons are visceral, personal, but small. Economics are the opposite. Cold. Impersonal. But large scale. I can control individuals with guns. With economixcs, I control everybody. The cummunists don't want that. They want control to go to everyone. But if everyone has power, nobody does. I won't let that happen. I'm not some scared kid anymore, Amanda. I won't let anybody else have power over me."

"Bullshit!" cried Amanda. "You're still a scared little kid! Look at you, throwing your toys out of the pram because you think somebody's going to take something away from you!"

"STOP IT!" LaPierre shouted. "I am not weak! How dare you! Soon I'll have more power than you can imagine! Now, if you don't want to be crushed by it, you'll tell me where your friends are."

"I'm not afraid of you! I'm pretty sure most of the students here have bigger dicks than you, myself included!"

Suddenly, Lapierre knocked her against the door again. Hard.

"Dick jokes. How crude."

He dragged the barely conscious girl through the dungeon entrance. "I swear, if the rumors about this school being a haven for futa are true..."

"SKREEEEEEEEEE! EVIL! VILE! CORRUPTOR OF OUR BEING!" shrieked the ghost as they walked past, LaPierre's face unchanged.

"Sweet Lord, what did you do to Amanda? Who are you?" Marx cried as they walked past. "Answer me!"

"Don't worry about your friend here," said LaPierre as he stopped in front of the cell next to Marx's. "She's just sleeping." The cell door slid open, and he threw Amanda inside. "Name's Wayne LaPierre." The cell door slid shut.

"Wayne... WAYNE LAPIERRE?! What are you doing here?!"

"Cleaning up your mess. Karl Marx, I presume? Pleasure to meet you." LaPierre adjusted his suit. "Looks like I'll have appoint a new guard. Until next we meet, Marx."

"Wait! Whatare you planning? Come back here, LaPierre! Come back here!"

The ghost in the cell next to him began screaming, only stopping when the door to the dungeon slammed close.


End file.
